Wednesday, March 05, 2014

Going Dark

Excerpts from Post-Haiyan blues:

11.26.13; 02:45 PM
A strange thought darted through me, pointing out my indifference. "Who cares?", I mused. It was harsh and totally unexpected, however, it was not without reason. For several days I have mourned for the life I used to have and for the people it was surrounded with. A part of me knew that keeping myself together meant pushing back emotions and teaching myself not to care. And so I did.

11.26.13; 08:42 PM
Drafting my first attempt at running away.

11.27.13; 12:28 AM
Disappointed by the turn out. And despite how horrible the network is right now, I still don't blame it.
I sit, waiting for midnight, trying to get some chance at the supposedly working network. Skimming through texts and call history, I simply found no effort shown from the other side.
And I call them friends.

11.27.13; 12:45 AM
I almost hung up. "You deserve it", she said. Fuck. No one does. No one deserves to be stripped off of who they are, not like this, and especially not after what we've been through. I admit I was more than lucky having to survive Haiyan but I have lost something, too. I may have gotten out easy but what it took from me, what I left behind, they were all real and dear to me. How dare she speak of solace and isolation. And deprivation, shit.

11.27.13; 06:48 PM
She called. I panicked, too eager to hear her voice. It's been days, a heck lot more than she predicted. Not her first time to call, though. Gripping a plastic of cold Coke, a rarity at this time, in one hand and some rice pancakes in the other, I quivered as I pick my phone. It stopped ringing and I heard an empty line. I thought it didn't get through. But then I heard her ask, "What 'ya doing?". "Eating", I answered. It went on for a quarter an hour or so until she was called up. We bid goodbye and I came downstairs, smiling. I missed her, I told myself.
And I just kept smiling.

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