Sunday, November 23, 2008

Reality Bites

I sprung up into my feet realizing my day past by with me not noticing.

I woke up this morning, nearly lunch time, with my eyes set widely to my phone's clock as I glared in amazement. The sun was blazing hot outside, people already busy doing their weekend chores and I hear from the other room, my housemates were already busy chattering. It was then I remembered that I purposely overslept. It was the howling, spinning head of mine that knocked me off to bed last night. It was still the same feeling lingering on my head that kept me on my bed the whole morning, although fainter this time. I made an easy rise from my bed and went down to freshen up.

After eating lunch with a little enthusiasm - I was already alone at home when I got up; I went up straight to my room to open my computer. Just then I decided to entertain myself for the rest of the day reading another book. I have it here in my computer a copy of the Twilight Series ebooks. I'm done reading Twilight so my next was the New Moon. My friends' disapproval with my habit never really bothered me. They say that reading in front of my computer would stress out my eyes but then I never really cared. Reading felt so diverting. As chapters past, I did not recognize the clock was even ticking and that the time had flew by too fast. Barely thinking, as already my usual habit, I looked at my phone’s digital clock and to my dismay it was already 5 o'clock in the afternoon. Time had swiftly flown by and I can not believe that I wasted another day accomplishing nothing aside from finishing off eight chapters of an ebook.

I gently pressed down my body to the comfy warmth of my bed and slowly closed my eyes. I tried to think about the things I was supposed to do - my school works that I had intentionally neglected. For a brief moment I wanted to rewind everything and put them all in the "right" place. And there, again, the feeling of defeat, cowardliness, and self-pity ruled over my body. I was half ashamed of myself. It was because of my lack of confidence and spirit towards the concept of "work" that dislodged me from my now, poor-fated reality. This time, I sprung out of bed to head off downstairs. The place had already darkened and the night had fallen faster than I thought it would be. I knew why I was doing all these nonsense stuffs and I knew pretty well that these won’t serve its purpose. I thought I can get out of this much easier but I was wrong. Clearly, an escape from reality was not the right thing to do but this is the only way I know and I this is how I do it.

I ended up my day still reading the "supposedly diverting" ebook. Well, it did take up much time for me not to wonder about my now, down-fated, real life. I'm even quite astound that I'm actually writing about it right now, describing all in detail. I wonder how I'll get through this. Urgh!

_________
Reality bites me again.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Let It Out

Asked her whether she's jealous or not and answered me with, "No, no, I'm not" [with her eyes widely open and her voice louder than usual]. And then reiterated it for about three or four times. For more than three years I've been close to her, I perfectly know she was not telling the truth. So I asked her again, in a more serious tone, "Are you jealous?". And then she said, "Absolutely".

People sometimes want to hide their feelings - how happy they really are, how furious they can be, etc.I don't know if it's their way of protecting themselves from being totally consumed by what they feel. I mean, people normally would not want other people to know they're suffering because of missing something out or just being left out alone while others are having fun in a family reunion. They think that it is safer for them to keep it, believing that it is easier to forget and let go of that particular feeling if kept unsaid. But then I'd tell them, why not try speaking up, tell everyone the truth. In that way, the burden you're feeling inside of you will probably lighten up. And you'll see, the feeling will subside in no time.

________
Label warning: An outburst is not what you need.
Be considerate to your poor nerves.

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