Blog Entries
If Memory Serves Me Fine
I’m mindlessly opening something up this early in the morning. Please do forgive me for this weird thought…
In the years we lived, pieces of what we had gone through simply pile up in our heads, creating what we commonly call, “memories”. They say these memories we have justifies who we were in the past and who we became. Some will fade through time yet some will continue to stand out despite the odd reality that they’ve already been a memory for quite some time now.
Searching through past encounters with black and white images flashing in your head often times bring out a smile in your face. And while in your nostalgic state, remembering what happened at a particular time and date, you tell yourself how stupid you were or how great that scene was or maybe how much fun you had back then. However, not all memories we have were colorfully painted. Some stick in our minds because of the pain we suffered at that time. We simply can’t forget the time we got rejected or ignored while waiting outside someone else’s house or maybe the time we became officially not a part of the graduating students list. Little did we know those events somehow became unbearably stuck in our heads.
I may sound bitter but I am not. Having too much to worry about at the moment brought me to a simple yet truthful conclusion. No matter how colorful or how dull you painted your past, it would never change the fact that it is now just a tedious collection of memories. Memories, as I’ve mentioned earlier, will gradually fade. And though some would stick a little while longer, you’d simply find yourself less and less interested or affected because in every new memory you create, you grow. The things that mattered to you before may not matter to you now and so the feeling would never be the same.
__________
Dwelling with the past may bring us clarity to some of our questions but focusing on what’s in front of us at the moment is much more worthy of our time and attention.
ISSA
02:36
09.21.09
Issa
Monday, September 21, 2009|8:52 PM
Blog Entries
Sweet Escape
I don’t know how I’d write this stuff in my head without sounding creepy or anything less respectful as a person. Although, I really fear someone might punch me in the head after reading this, I’ll just have to try my best to say things right. Well, I have no intentions of making this post that long. This is just with regards to my very last post here: SECOND YEARS.
Oh, dear, here I start:
For the past month I have been with the second years and for some reason I’d like to maintain that bond I have with them. I am thankful enough that they took me in even for just a short while. I may be an insolent brat who just walked up to them, said “hi”, and finally pushed myself to the group, they still welcomed me [Haha. At least that’s how I felt...lol]. In those brief moments I was with them I forgot my problems so I felt lighter. Maybe that’s what I really needed at that moment, a rest from my tiresome college life.
Well, to be honest, I may have befriended some of them for the reason that I had no one to be with in school. The fourth years were just too busy with loads of work to do and my comrades weren’t anywhere near to accompany me. That time I was drowning in my sick, sluggish life and they were there, busy as the others but more open for a distraction like me.
Frankly, I now know the reason why for the past years it has always been the second years. Second years are still kids, I know. And because of that I want to be with them. They already had experienced college for a year and yet they still have traces of high school in them. They’re more optimistic than the others [which, right now, I certainly lack] and they still have a bountiful source of energy like those of the children. Amazingly, that positive outlook in life seems to be contagious and so being with them feels like I’m younger, ready to dream and make some effort to reach those dreams. Weren’t for the second years right now, I wouldn’t have realized something important that I should have long known of. For that, I thank them with all my heart [madrama].
By the way, staying with them wasn’t that easy at all. I made all sorts of effort just to blend in. It was like a challenge that was so hard to get over with. Well, some of them weren’t that friendly at all but I guess all of my efforts were worth it. I can still remember the first time Melody truly smiled at me [I think..haha]. It was just last Monday, August 24. Whew. Unlike Joy, Venus, and Shae, Melody seemed to avoid me. Anyway, Joy stayed sweet at all times while Venus and Shae were simply nice to me, though Shae and I were somewhat friends already before I got close with the second years. I met Rosette last year during the Project Presentation prep along with April Rose and Richelyn [her, I honestly forgot and just recently got reminded of] so it was easier to iron things out with them. Although, there’s this two, Kerlyn and Kim, they’re just too hard to read. If there was anything that would make me feel like I’m no welcome that would be them. [Haha. Peace!] Actually, they’re not that bad. Kerlyn always invites me most of the time to join them and Kim…well, Kim probably doesn’t care what I do but somehow her personality isn’t that “welcoming”. [Hehehe] I’m not saying that I hate them. I actually like them. They always remind me that I’m no longer a second year and that I have other responsibilities to take care of. They keep me close to my path; made me realize that second years are just my “SWEET ESCAPE”.
For the record, I AM TRULY GRATEFUL to them all.
THANK YOU SO MUCH!
____________
02:03;08.31.09
Issa
Monday, August 31, 2009|3:45 PM
Blog Entries
Second Years
I hope I can explain to myself the reason why I came to fond second year students. For the past 3 years I’ve befriend some of them.
SUMMARY:
Batch 2006 [Banaag]
• Cometa, Fiona Rose – Amazingly caught my attention through our small similarities [anime, music]. I believe marami syang tinatago especially when she's with her classmates. I find her interesting and good thing about her is that she's patient and understanding.
• Banogon, Ayla Mae – Jolly and kind; a close friend of Fiona. Ang babaw ng kaligayahan kaya she’s so easy to please. [In a good way, though]
• Diloy, Francine – A close friend of Fiona. Doesn’t really have a very good personality especially towards people she considers as her “subordinates”. Well, her personality does remind me of Maricar. Haha. Anyway, she’s kind to me naman.
• Bingco, Vanessa – Friendly yet a little bit gullible. Easily opens up her problems but sometimes gets too carried away. After a while, I find conversations with her somewhat boring. Peace!
• Villero, Lowill John – Weird but interesting. He talks sensibly. Truly a spiritual kind of person.
• De Veyra, Maryanne Czarita – Gimikera; a little bit misunderstood.
Batch 2007 [Maanyag]
• Ferreras, Ma. Chrischelle – Kind and friendly. She’s a responsible kind of person but like any other, she ain’t perfect. Carries tons of problems to share with other people. Problems keep on coming and sometimes, it seems to me that she’s over doing it. [I mean sharing her problems]
• Palingayan, Nicole Rae – Babbles a lot. Not really much of a sensible talker but can be a good companion especially when you need a rest from your serious, mean life.
Batch 2008 [Haniti]
• Dañal, Jo Anne Joy – Jolly and sweet; she smiles most of the time and is easy to be with.
• Hidalgo, Melody Mae – Her personality reminds me so much of Cresta Ann. To be honest, she sometimes irritates me yet I still find her interesting. Actually, it’s not her that irritates me it’s her eyes, her manner of talking to me and looking at me. Each time she stares at me, it’s as if she’s going to eat me whole. Weird, I know she doesn’t mean it but I just feel that way. Anyway, she’s still interesting. I believe she writes very well. I am quite amazed on how she treats her friends. She's a bit cold but somehow you'll feel na she cares. She's not afraid to say what she thinks however I still find her mysterious and hard to read.
• Tangpuz, Sherry Mae – Cute. I envy her so much with her talent in music. Gawd, I wish I was like her. She got an amazing voice and to back that up, she plays musical instruments, too. Totally amazing! Another is that when you're with her, you'll never get bored. I love talking to her. Di kayo mauubusan ng pag-uusapan. :D
• Pino, Venus Dawn Mariz – Kind; so much like Chrischelle with a twist. Bwahaha. She is, in her own way, cool.
• Pagpaguitan, Rosette – Cool yet a little bit of a snob at first. Haha. She is more of the outgoing type of person and I really enjoy being with her. Kalog! Haha. Galing bumato ng punchline!
• Ruizo, Elyrose Kim – First, I thought of her as a total snob. Now, I see her as a jolly type of person. I actually do see myself in her, not because of the size, of course, but for some aspects I cannot put into words.
• Asuncion, Kerlyn Kaye – Haha! I hated her before. Now, I don’t know. Di ko sure if nakikipagplastikan lang siya but if not, then I’ll consider her as a good friend. Actually, she somewhat reminds me Richard Allan, outspoken and full of energy. Haha
• Lagera, Airha Mae – Simple, kind, and shy.
• Mendoza, Raisa – Stubbornly shy and aloof; well, maybe just modest but I think she’s sweet and kind.
____________
01:49;08.14.09
Issa
Friday, August 14, 2009|3:48 PM
Blog Entries
Unwanted Outburst
“Haruki nala ito para tanggal dayun an stress!” by K.K.A.
Yawa la talaga. Makaaringgit nga yawa.
Puta!
…sana gad dire ak guin-jujudge diretso. Di ga dama ak hit suga na tawo. Sana la dire tanan na ak guinhihimo tatagan diretso hin malisya. Yawa. Dire ba ak pwede naman la makipagsangkay? Napabadtrip la talaga. Marabot-rabot na talaga kanina. Kun pwede la talaga magwala. Hagi, hagi. Napasakit la ini. Yawa la talaga. Gusto ko magwala…
____________
01:48;08.11.09
Issa
Tuesday, August 11, 2009|1:07 PM
Blog Entries
Sick Routine
Damn, I’m screwed. I just finished watching Grey’s Anatomy Season 5 at 2:55 in the morning. Gawd, this is crazy. Why the hell would I watch that whole fucking series in one freakin day? That’s just nuts…
It’s no more than a year now since I stopped working on my thesis, moreover, it’s been less than half a decade have I started living away from home. In those freakin years I have learned nothing other than completely ignoring and consciously wasting my fucking damn life. For years, I have done nothing but sit still and watch everything pass me by. All I did was just let things go as they are no matter how awful they may be. I’m just stuck up like shit waiting for someone to step on me and that’s just sick.
Today, I wasted a pretty damn day watching a TV series that had only got me frustrated about myself. The night before, I started playing the DVD and I stopped at 4:00 in the morning. I woke up past 10:00 and I continued watching it. Now, I’m done. I’m done doing this crazy stuff. I’m done sleeping my life away. I’m done acting like a child and start being mature. I’m done playing games. Lastly, I’m done quitting the things that matter to me the most. I’ll have to trust myself and stop doubting my abilities. I’m sick of living the same day after another. It’s just tiresome doing nothing. Better yet start anew.
____________
03:32;08.06.09
Issa
Thursday, August 06, 2009|7:41 PM
Blog Entries
Over and After
I can’t make more thoughts of you out of my poor, impaired judgment. Over the past week, I have considered myself to be even more lost in this tangled situation. I’m struggling even greater than before. After that night, I kept on asking myself if everything I said was true; that none of those were merely playfully created by me. I believe that if those were said truly, then I would have felt more at ease with myself. Thus, what I feel right now just proves that I am still having doubts about the matter. Is it even possible to doubt what you have doubted for so long? Hmpf.
____________
02:43;07.12.09
Issa
Tuesday, July 14, 2009|10:46 AM
Blog Entries
Details In the Fabric
I've found myself something I wasn't looking for: another freakin' distraction. This matter, though completely complicated, excites me each morning I wake up and occupies my mind the whole fuckin' day until I sleep. Not for so long ago I had felt the same way and I still remember the time I told myself to stop acting so foolishly and to never feel the same way again.
But how am I end this stuff? I mean, it's the reason why each morning I look forward to start my day and why I keep a bright face despite all of the problems I have yet to solve. Well, the only problem here is that I tend to focus less on my thesis because I have this person that constantly occupies my mind. Yes, it's true. It's a distraction. But how am I to forget that face, that smile, and that freaking song that resounds undyingly in my head?
I know, like any other, this will surely fade but somewhere inside me wants to keep it longer. I want to keep the fire burning until such time I realize that all I have is nothing but a fantasy in mind. For before this came to me, I have long lost the game. As to why, I can't tell you. It's just a matter of TRUTH and REALITY.
I can never win a fight that, in the first place, will never even begin.
____________
01:43;06.21.09
Issa
Sunday, June 21, 2009|11:33 PM
Blog Entries
Offline
SUMMER
I went out for a walk in the beach. It was my plan yesterday to go out for a walk thinking that I’ve been living a sedentary life for a couple of weeks. Imagine how I spent my days half of it sleeping and the other half just eating and watching tv. Well, I got tired of having the same routine everyday so I decided to do something different. [Actually, I got worried about my health. It’s not healthy for my heart to be sitting around and doing nothing the whole day. Grr.]
Sand-writing. [edited] I wrote a couple words and doodled a little in the sand. It made the short walk more fun but a little bit exhausting. ;p
I’m thinking whether or not to do the same thing tomorrow. How about taking a short, healthy exercise tomorrow? Hmm.
ISSA
22:13
05.19.09
_______
JOURNAL
Got myself thinking about whether in the future there’ll be a thing that records everything that goes into your mind. It would be really cool to have something like that and I’d surely buy it. Haha. I guess I’m talking nonsense again. Really, I do want to have that kind of thing. I’ve wanted so much to record or write all of my random thoughts so I can just rewind it or read it aloud to those who want to hear or know about it. It’s kind of weird, not to mention, stupid but I just want to share my ideas about things. I know it’s crazy. Who the hell is going to be interested in reading all sorts of stuffs running through my mind? Well, I don’t know. What if there is? What if there’s someone out there who’d be interested in wasting his/her time knowing more about me? Haha.
.....
I want a tablet PC! huhuhu
ISSA
00:17
05.21.09
Issa
Thursday, May 21, 2009|5:22 PM
Blog Entries
Veiled Lines
Will I be convicted by any living man if I would express myself truly? Or should I just end up letting my heart burst into pieces for containing my happiness for so long? I surely do let myself have some devilish little laughs in times of nearly breaching my limits but for how long will I keep it to myself? With those childish, sinful grins I have breathed my heart little by little but never had been any chance I expressed myself more. I know demanding for more would mean opening up with no pretense to the world. It sure does sound appealing yet I dread other people’s remarks afterwards. Better still keep my own insanity hidden to the unappreciative world I was born into.
____________
22:42;05.17.09
Issa
Monday, May 18, 2009|5:54 PM
Blog Entries
The Big Fat Liar
We can never have everything we want in our life. The truth is there are times we need to lie to ourselves that we’re happy and contented to what we are at the moment even if it’s not how we want it to be. Sometimes, we have to sacrifice our own happiness for the sake of our loved ones. It may be painful, but doing so gives meaning to our own existence. Maybe, some of us were just not meant to have joyful endings. At the end, we’ll just have to admit to ourselves that all those years we lived were simply the fruit of our unselfish lie.
____________
14:26;05.14.09
Issa
Thursday, May 14, 2009|7:42 PM
Blog Entries
Laugh It Off
“You make it sound as if it’s a disease.”
______
Would there be even a CURE if it is?
Issa
Wednesday, May 13, 2009|8:30 PM
Blog Entries
It Makes No Difference
I seem to understand now the importance of having a positive attitude in any way and in which ever place you may be. The days I had in all places I went to were just simply the mirror image of the other. Although I can’t consider myself to be well-traveled and that I practically visited only a few places in my entire life, I’d say, they’re all pretty much boring to the point that I’d rather spend my days sleeping. I can see now that although being in other places would mean being with different people and living a different lifestyle, it would always depend on how you’d come up to entertain yourself. Moreover, things would just change only if you choose to. It is us who decide whether or not to be happy. We are the ones who give meaning to all the things that happen to us and how we all equate everything is according to our discretion.
________
Think positive. It’s all in the mind. It is US who create the difference. So smile!
Issa
Monday, May 11, 2009|7:55 PM
Blog Entries
From M.D. to J.D.
I came from Manila after a week stay with my newly found relatives there to attend my sister's graceful exit from medical school. It was quite frustrating since I dream of graduating from medical school myself but I failed to convince my mom to send me off to med school. My stay there was so tiresome, me and my mom kept on arguing about where to send me after I graduate in college. And my sister won't stop pushing me to attend her grad and had always sided with my mom that I should go to law school. Even my cousin, Ara, won't agree with me that I'd do better if I go med school. They all just laughed at me. Urgh!
I can't help but to envy my sister. Especially, after the commencement exercise, they kept on addressing her as,"Doctora" or "Dr. Mendoza". Don't get me wrong, I am truly delighted that she finally graduated from med school. Imagine how it feels to have a doctor as a sister? Haha!
Anyway, it was still fun being there and being with my other relatives including the nice, comfy accommodation. Thank you so much to Kuya Nerio, Ate Elsa and the others for the warm welcome. I sooo love the non-stop eating. Hehe. [my tummy got bigger that my pants won't fit now...] Well, one more thing that made me glad I went to attend my sister's grad, I finally got myself a laptop. See? I should be happy. lol
_______
Oh, by the way, my mom now made her final decision. I'm going to law school. Damn.
Issa
Wednesday, May 06, 2009|12:57 AM
Blog Entries
I Ain't Crazy
Today, I sat in my room, asked myself, “What the heck am I supposed to do?” In this dusty old room I wept, confused on what it is that makes me stay. “To be or not to be”, I asked some more. What has gone to the other half of me that would stay delighted and bright despite all the quizzical, unforgiving moments of life? I am left here with not a single reason to fight.
Today, I said to myself, “It is for the people who strive hardest that achieves the best in life and not for those who only sit still waiting for some graces to arrive”. My mind got wandering through the possible outcomes I may have but right before I was able to choose, they all escaped into thin air. Again, I talked to myself, “How are those freaking dreams going to be possible when all you can do is sit here and stay idle? Do you think it’ll just one day come and hit you off this chair? You’re no good. You know you’re capable of doing things and yet you choose to be lazy at every chance you have. Maybe you’ll end up being nothing”. Wow. I pity myself again for the nth time.
Today, I asked, “What if there’s no difference between achieving something in life and merely surviving life? What if you choose to live simply, not wanting more of the material things this society has to offer, will it be okay?” I said this because I know myself well enough. I know that whatever I do, I’ll just end up regretting everything I’ve started because in the end, none of them will be finished. I always quit.
Today, I thought hard enough for me to write them down in words. “Maybe, if I wasn’t aware of the better things that exist in the world, I’d never have dreamt having them for myself. Maybe if I never knew the importance of money and the things that go with it in this kind of society, then I would have been satisfied and stay contented living a simple life back in some old, little town far from the busy cities. I would have been happy long ago”.
Today, I had a little chat with myself. I may not be feeling fine but I ain’t crazy, dear. I thought it would somehow clear out my mind so I can finally start taking things more seriously, but I guess it didn’t work. Urgh! I am left hanging more confused than before. Tsk.
Issa
Sunday, April 19, 2009|9:28 PM
Blog Entries
If Memory Serves Me Fine
I’m mindlessly opening something up this early in the morning. Please do forgive me for this weird thought…
In the years we lived, pieces of what we had gone through simply pile up in our heads, creating what we commonly call, “memories”. They say these memories we have justifies who we were in the past and who we became. Some will fade through time yet some will continue to stand out despite the odd reality that they’ve already been a memory for quite some time now.
Searching through past encounters with black and white images flashing in your head often times bring out a smile in your face. And while in your nostalgic state, remembering what happened at a particular time and date, you tell yourself how stupid you were or how great that scene was or maybe how much fun you had back then. However, not all memories we have were colorfully painted. Some stick in our minds because of the pain we suffered at that time. We simply can’t forget the time we got rejected or ignored while waiting outside someone else’s house or maybe the time we became officially not a part of the graduating students list. Little did we know those events somehow became unbearably stuck in our heads.
I may sound bitter but I am not. Having too much to worry about at the moment brought me to a simple yet truthful conclusion. No matter how colorful or how dull you painted your past, it would never change the fact that it is now just a tedious collection of memories. Memories, as I’ve mentioned earlier, will gradually fade. And though some would stick a little while longer, you’d simply find yourself less and less interested or affected because in every new memory you create, you grow. The things that mattered to you before may not matter to you now and so the feeling would never be the same.
__________
Dwelling with the past may bring us clarity to some of our questions but focusing on what’s in front of us at the moment is much more worthy of our time and attention.
ISSA
02:36
09.21.09
Issa
Monday, September 21, 2009|8:52 PM
Blog Entries
Sweet Escape
I don’t know how I’d write this stuff in my head without sounding creepy or anything less respectful as a person. Although, I really fear someone might punch me in the head after reading this, I’ll just have to try my best to say things right. Well, I have no intentions of making this post that long. This is just with regards to my very last post here: SECOND YEARS.
Oh, dear, here I start:
For the past month I have been with the second years and for some reason I’d like to maintain that bond I have with them. I am thankful enough that they took me in even for just a short while. I may be an insolent brat who just walked up to them, said “hi”, and finally pushed myself to the group, they still welcomed me [Haha. At least that’s how I felt...lol]. In those brief moments I was with them I forgot my problems so I felt lighter. Maybe that’s what I really needed at that moment, a rest from my tiresome college life.
Well, to be honest, I may have befriended some of them for the reason that I had no one to be with in school. The fourth years were just too busy with loads of work to do and my comrades weren’t anywhere near to accompany me. That time I was drowning in my sick, sluggish life and they were there, busy as the others but more open for a distraction like me.
Frankly, I now know the reason why for the past years it has always been the second years. Second years are still kids, I know. And because of that I want to be with them. They already had experienced college for a year and yet they still have traces of high school in them. They’re more optimistic than the others [which, right now, I certainly lack] and they still have a bountiful source of energy like those of the children. Amazingly, that positive outlook in life seems to be contagious and so being with them feels like I’m younger, ready to dream and make some effort to reach those dreams. Weren’t for the second years right now, I wouldn’t have realized something important that I should have long known of. For that, I thank them with all my heart [madrama].
By the way, staying with them wasn’t that easy at all. I made all sorts of effort just to blend in. It was like a challenge that was so hard to get over with. Well, some of them weren’t that friendly at all but I guess all of my efforts were worth it. I can still remember the first time Melody truly smiled at me [I think..haha]. It was just last Monday, August 24. Whew. Unlike Joy, Venus, and Shae, Melody seemed to avoid me. Anyway, Joy stayed sweet at all times while Venus and Shae were simply nice to me, though Shae and I were somewhat friends already before I got close with the second years. I met Rosette last year during the Project Presentation prep along with April Rose and Richelyn [her, I honestly forgot and just recently got reminded of] so it was easier to iron things out with them. Although, there’s this two, Kerlyn and Kim, they’re just too hard to read. If there was anything that would make me feel like I’m no welcome that would be them. [Haha. Peace!] Actually, they’re not that bad. Kerlyn always invites me most of the time to join them and Kim…well, Kim probably doesn’t care what I do but somehow her personality isn’t that “welcoming”. [Hehehe] I’m not saying that I hate them. I actually like them. They always remind me that I’m no longer a second year and that I have other responsibilities to take care of. They keep me close to my path; made me realize that second years are just my “SWEET ESCAPE”.
For the record, I AM TRULY GRATEFUL to them all.
THANK YOU SO MUCH!
____________
02:03;08.31.09
Issa
Monday, August 31, 2009|3:45 PM
Blog Entries
Second Years
I hope I can explain to myself the reason why I came to fond second year students. For the past 3 years I’ve befriend some of them.
SUMMARY:
Batch 2006 [Banaag]
• Cometa, Fiona Rose – Amazingly caught my attention through our small similarities [anime, music]. I believe marami syang tinatago especially when she's with her classmates. I find her interesting and good thing about her is that she's patient and understanding.
• Banogon, Ayla Mae – Jolly and kind; a close friend of Fiona. Ang babaw ng kaligayahan kaya she’s so easy to please. [In a good way, though]
• Diloy, Francine – A close friend of Fiona. Doesn’t really have a very good personality especially towards people she considers as her “subordinates”. Well, her personality does remind me of Maricar. Haha. Anyway, she’s kind to me naman.
• Bingco, Vanessa – Friendly yet a little bit gullible. Easily opens up her problems but sometimes gets too carried away. After a while, I find conversations with her somewhat boring. Peace!
• Villero, Lowill John – Weird but interesting. He talks sensibly. Truly a spiritual kind of person.
• De Veyra, Maryanne Czarita – Gimikera; a little bit misunderstood.
Batch 2007 [Maanyag]
• Ferreras, Ma. Chrischelle – Kind and friendly. She’s a responsible kind of person but like any other, she ain’t perfect. Carries tons of problems to share with other people. Problems keep on coming and sometimes, it seems to me that she’s over doing it. [I mean sharing her problems]
• Palingayan, Nicole Rae – Babbles a lot. Not really much of a sensible talker but can be a good companion especially when you need a rest from your serious, mean life.
Batch 2008 [Haniti]
• Dañal, Jo Anne Joy – Jolly and sweet; she smiles most of the time and is easy to be with.
• Hidalgo, Melody Mae – Her personality reminds me so much of Cresta Ann. To be honest, she sometimes irritates me yet I still find her interesting. Actually, it’s not her that irritates me it’s her eyes, her manner of talking to me and looking at me. Each time she stares at me, it’s as if she’s going to eat me whole. Weird, I know she doesn’t mean it but I just feel that way. Anyway, she’s still interesting. I believe she writes very well. I am quite amazed on how she treats her friends. She's a bit cold but somehow you'll feel na she cares. She's not afraid to say what she thinks however I still find her mysterious and hard to read.
• Tangpuz, Sherry Mae – Cute. I envy her so much with her talent in music. Gawd, I wish I was like her. She got an amazing voice and to back that up, she plays musical instruments, too. Totally amazing! Another is that when you're with her, you'll never get bored. I love talking to her. Di kayo mauubusan ng pag-uusapan. :D
• Pino, Venus Dawn Mariz – Kind; so much like Chrischelle with a twist. Bwahaha. She is, in her own way, cool.
• Pagpaguitan, Rosette – Cool yet a little bit of a snob at first. Haha. She is more of the outgoing type of person and I really enjoy being with her. Kalog! Haha. Galing bumato ng punchline!
• Ruizo, Elyrose Kim – First, I thought of her as a total snob. Now, I see her as a jolly type of person. I actually do see myself in her, not because of the size, of course, but for some aspects I cannot put into words.
• Asuncion, Kerlyn Kaye – Haha! I hated her before. Now, I don’t know. Di ko sure if nakikipagplastikan lang siya but if not, then I’ll consider her as a good friend. Actually, she somewhat reminds me Richard Allan, outspoken and full of energy. Haha
• Lagera, Airha Mae – Simple, kind, and shy.
• Mendoza, Raisa – Stubbornly shy and aloof; well, maybe just modest but I think she’s sweet and kind.
____________
01:49;08.14.09
Issa
Friday, August 14, 2009|3:48 PM
Blog Entries
Unwanted Outburst
“Haruki nala ito para tanggal dayun an stress!” by K.K.A.
Yawa la talaga. Makaaringgit nga yawa.
Puta!
…sana gad dire ak guin-jujudge diretso. Di ga dama ak hit suga na tawo. Sana la dire tanan na ak guinhihimo tatagan diretso hin malisya. Yawa. Dire ba ak pwede naman la makipagsangkay? Napabadtrip la talaga. Marabot-rabot na talaga kanina. Kun pwede la talaga magwala. Hagi, hagi. Napasakit la ini. Yawa la talaga. Gusto ko magwala…
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01:48;08.11.09
Issa
Tuesday, August 11, 2009|1:07 PM
Blog Entries
Sick Routine
Damn, I’m screwed. I just finished watching Grey’s Anatomy Season 5 at 2:55 in the morning. Gawd, this is crazy. Why the hell would I watch that whole fucking series in one freakin day? That’s just nuts…
It’s no more than a year now since I stopped working on my thesis, moreover, it’s been less than half a decade have I started living away from home. In those freakin years I have learned nothing other than completely ignoring and consciously wasting my fucking damn life. For years, I have done nothing but sit still and watch everything pass me by. All I did was just let things go as they are no matter how awful they may be. I’m just stuck up like shit waiting for someone to step on me and that’s just sick.
Today, I wasted a pretty damn day watching a TV series that had only got me frustrated about myself. The night before, I started playing the DVD and I stopped at 4:00 in the morning. I woke up past 10:00 and I continued watching it. Now, I’m done. I’m done doing this crazy stuff. I’m done sleeping my life away. I’m done acting like a child and start being mature. I’m done playing games. Lastly, I’m done quitting the things that matter to me the most. I’ll have to trust myself and stop doubting my abilities. I’m sick of living the same day after another. It’s just tiresome doing nothing. Better yet start anew.
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03:32;08.06.09
Issa
Thursday, August 06, 2009|7:41 PM
Blog Entries
Over and After
I can’t make more thoughts of you out of my poor, impaired judgment. Over the past week, I have considered myself to be even more lost in this tangled situation. I’m struggling even greater than before. After that night, I kept on asking myself if everything I said was true; that none of those were merely playfully created by me. I believe that if those were said truly, then I would have felt more at ease with myself. Thus, what I feel right now just proves that I am still having doubts about the matter. Is it even possible to doubt what you have doubted for so long? Hmpf.
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02:43;07.12.09
Issa
Tuesday, July 14, 2009|10:46 AM
Blog Entries
Details In the Fabric
I've found myself something I wasn't looking for: another freakin' distraction. This matter, though completely complicated, excites me each morning I wake up and occupies my mind the whole fuckin' day until I sleep. Not for so long ago I had felt the same way and I still remember the time I told myself to stop acting so foolishly and to never feel the same way again.
But how am I end this stuff? I mean, it's the reason why each morning I look forward to start my day and why I keep a bright face despite all of the problems I have yet to solve. Well, the only problem here is that I tend to focus less on my thesis because I have this person that constantly occupies my mind. Yes, it's true. It's a distraction. But how am I to forget that face, that smile, and that freaking song that resounds undyingly in my head?
I know, like any other, this will surely fade but somewhere inside me wants to keep it longer. I want to keep the fire burning until such time I realize that all I have is nothing but a fantasy in mind. For before this came to me, I have long lost the game. As to why, I can't tell you. It's just a matter of TRUTH and REALITY.
I can never win a fight that, in the first place, will never even begin.
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01:43;06.21.09
Issa
Sunday, June 21, 2009|11:33 PM
Blog Entries
Offline
SUMMER
I went out for a walk in the beach. It was my plan yesterday to go out for a walk thinking that I’ve been living a sedentary life for a couple of weeks. Imagine how I spent my days half of it sleeping and the other half just eating and watching tv. Well, I got tired of having the same routine everyday so I decided to do something different. [Actually, I got worried about my health. It’s not healthy for my heart to be sitting around and doing nothing the whole day. Grr.]
Sand-writing. [edited] I wrote a couple words and doodled a little in the sand. It made the short walk more fun but a little bit exhausting. ;p
I’m thinking whether or not to do the same thing tomorrow. How about taking a short, healthy exercise tomorrow? Hmm.
ISSA
22:13
05.19.09
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JOURNAL
Got myself thinking about whether in the future there’ll be a thing that records everything that goes into your mind. It would be really cool to have something like that and I’d surely buy it. Haha. I guess I’m talking nonsense again. Really, I do want to have that kind of thing. I’ve wanted so much to record or write all of my random thoughts so I can just rewind it or read it aloud to those who want to hear or know about it. It’s kind of weird, not to mention, stupid but I just want to share my ideas about things. I know it’s crazy. Who the hell is going to be interested in reading all sorts of stuffs running through my mind? Well, I don’t know. What if there is? What if there’s someone out there who’d be interested in wasting his/her time knowing more about me? Haha.
.....
I want a tablet PC! huhuhu
ISSA
00:17
05.21.09
Issa
Thursday, May 21, 2009|5:22 PM
Blog Entries
Veiled Lines
Will I be convicted by any living man if I would express myself truly? Or should I just end up letting my heart burst into pieces for containing my happiness for so long? I surely do let myself have some devilish little laughs in times of nearly breaching my limits but for how long will I keep it to myself? With those childish, sinful grins I have breathed my heart little by little but never had been any chance I expressed myself more. I know demanding for more would mean opening up with no pretense to the world. It sure does sound appealing yet I dread other people’s remarks afterwards. Better still keep my own insanity hidden to the unappreciative world I was born into.
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22:42;05.17.09
Issa
Monday, May 18, 2009|5:54 PM
Blog Entries
The Big Fat Liar
We can never have everything we want in our life. The truth is there are times we need to lie to ourselves that we’re happy and contented to what we are at the moment even if it’s not how we want it to be. Sometimes, we have to sacrifice our own happiness for the sake of our loved ones. It may be painful, but doing so gives meaning to our own existence. Maybe, some of us were just not meant to have joyful endings. At the end, we’ll just have to admit to ourselves that all those years we lived were simply the fruit of our unselfish lie.
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14:26;05.14.09
Issa
Thursday, May 14, 2009|7:42 PM
Blog Entries
Laugh It Off
“You make it sound as if it’s a disease.”
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Would there be even a CURE if it is?
Issa
Wednesday, May 13, 2009|8:30 PM
Blog Entries
It Makes No Difference
I seem to understand now the importance of having a positive attitude in any way and in which ever place you may be. The days I had in all places I went to were just simply the mirror image of the other. Although I can’t consider myself to be well-traveled and that I practically visited only a few places in my entire life, I’d say, they’re all pretty much boring to the point that I’d rather spend my days sleeping. I can see now that although being in other places would mean being with different people and living a different lifestyle, it would always depend on how you’d come up to entertain yourself. Moreover, things would just change only if you choose to. It is us who decide whether or not to be happy. We are the ones who give meaning to all the things that happen to us and how we all equate everything is according to our discretion.
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Think positive. It’s all in the mind. It is US who create the difference. So smile!
Issa
Monday, May 11, 2009|7:55 PM
Blog Entries
From M.D. to J.D.
I came from Manila after a week stay with my newly found relatives there to attend my sister's graceful exit from medical school. It was quite frustrating since I dream of graduating from medical school myself but I failed to convince my mom to send me off to med school. My stay there was so tiresome, me and my mom kept on arguing about where to send me after I graduate in college. And my sister won't stop pushing me to attend her grad and had always sided with my mom that I should go to law school. Even my cousin, Ara, won't agree with me that I'd do better if I go med school. They all just laughed at me. Urgh!
I can't help but to envy my sister. Especially, after the commencement exercise, they kept on addressing her as,"Doctora" or "Dr. Mendoza". Don't get me wrong, I am truly delighted that she finally graduated from med school. Imagine how it feels to have a doctor as a sister? Haha!
Anyway, it was still fun being there and being with my other relatives including the nice, comfy accommodation. Thank you so much to Kuya Nerio, Ate Elsa and the others for the warm welcome. I sooo love the non-stop eating. Hehe. [my tummy got bigger that my pants won't fit now...] Well, one more thing that made me glad I went to attend my sister's grad, I finally got myself a laptop. See? I should be happy. lol
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Oh, by the way, my mom now made her final decision. I'm going to law school. Damn.
Issa
Wednesday, May 06, 2009|12:57 AM
Blog Entries
I Ain't Crazy
Today, I sat in my room, asked myself, “What the heck am I supposed to do?” In this dusty old room I wept, confused on what it is that makes me stay. “To be or not to be”, I asked some more. What has gone to the other half of me that would stay delighted and bright despite all the quizzical, unforgiving moments of life? I am left here with not a single reason to fight.
Today, I said to myself, “It is for the people who strive hardest that achieves the best in life and not for those who only sit still waiting for some graces to arrive”. My mind got wandering through the possible outcomes I may have but right before I was able to choose, they all escaped into thin air. Again, I talked to myself, “How are those freaking dreams going to be possible when all you can do is sit here and stay idle? Do you think it’ll just one day come and hit you off this chair? You’re no good. You know you’re capable of doing things and yet you choose to be lazy at every chance you have. Maybe you’ll end up being nothing”. Wow. I pity myself again for the nth time.
Today, I asked, “What if there’s no difference between achieving something in life and merely surviving life? What if you choose to live simply, not wanting more of the material things this society has to offer, will it be okay?” I said this because I know myself well enough. I know that whatever I do, I’ll just end up regretting everything I’ve started because in the end, none of them will be finished. I always quit.
Today, I thought hard enough for me to write them down in words. “Maybe, if I wasn’t aware of the better things that exist in the world, I’d never have dreamt having them for myself. Maybe if I never knew the importance of money and the things that go with it in this kind of society, then I would have been satisfied and stay contented living a simple life back in some old, little town far from the busy cities. I would have been happy long ago”.
Today, I had a little chat with myself. I may not be feeling fine but I ain’t crazy, dear. I thought it would somehow clear out my mind so I can finally start taking things more seriously, but I guess it didn’t work. Urgh! I am left hanging more confused than before. Tsk.
Issa
Sunday, April 19, 2009|9:28 PM
