Kwintas

Nakalutang ako sa alaala ng payong matambong

ng maraming kahapong luhaan na sa laot tumatanaw.
Yakap ng dilim at malakas na hangin, sumisigaw.
"Dito tayo mas mababaw. Andito ang sikat ng araw
gumuguhit sa balikat ko at sa mga labi, nag-uumapaw."

-- R & J (2006)

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Drifting again to a delusional fantasy.

Randomness

It's the people's undying judgment that kills the beauty of freedom and yet without it, life's pretty much boring.

If we all can do the things we wanna do freely and be happy to the fullest extent of our hearts, how can we then be satisfied by what we have? How can we be able to appreciate the wonderful moments we have in our lives if we can all just go out there and find it? And how'd you think we'll be able to realize how fortunate we are for experiencing such thing? I guess, we owe much to those big-mouthed neighbors we have. Thanks to their non-stop, biased scrutinizing we are able to find happiness. To me, what they do just spices life more and the more they treat you like shit, the more you're driven to do better. I guess it's the challenge to defeat other people's negative claims that excites you more.

__________________
"You're too scared to look the world in the eye and let it watch you fall in love."

Viral Infection

Has this nose-clogging colds blocked my willingness to focus most effectively on the things I do? Well, for the past 5 days I've been feeling sick coupled by losing all my interest in studying any material given to me [not that I usually have this urge to study]. I have three exams this week and every time I look at my notes, I feel distantly occupied like I just lost my proper consciousness.

My brain's not functioning rightly as if it's infected with a certain virus or bacteria messing up all mental activities. Like when I'm talking, I just stop somewhere in the middle and realize I can't remember what I was trying to point out. It's like I'm having some blackouts only that I'm not. I don't know what happened to me. My symptoms just started appearing right after I got sick. What am I to do? I desperately need help. asap.

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My health is now starting to deteriorate.

When Black and White turn to Gray

The hell day's ending and the damage and catastrophes it left the people behind are now ready to heal. Owws? Haha. I wonder why many people believe in such a thing as misfortune. Anyway, I don't, so why should I care? Haha.

It's the gradual change happening to me right now that made me post this entry. I have recently noticed that compared to what I was before, I seem to be more unfocused these days. Although, for some time now, I have set a goal I should achieve, I seem not to be taking things seriously. Seriously. I've been slacking around more and my days aren't as productive as before. What the heck is happening to me?

Tomorrow is Heart's Day. I still have no idea what to do and where to go so you if you have anything good to offer, just tell me. I am not into the romantic chuchu like other people. All I want is not to be left hanging around and feeling bored while others are having fun with their hubbies. A friendly date would be fun. Don't you think? ;p

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I'm sleeping my life away. wow!

In Between

Well, I've been wondering. Is there really such a thing as being "in between"?
Like saying you're no longer angry but still keeping that grudge inside of you?
Or maybe playing half-okay but it still shows you're not.
So as saying there's God but not actually believing in Him?
Why is that we try not to be "this one" but not actually wanting to be the "other one"?
These make me consider the human mind as the biggest conundrum of all.
As to those believing in humanistic existentialism, I'll ask you, "Is being "in between" a product of your choice or merely the phase where you cannot make a choice?"
It's like saying being in between means that you're being on that fine line that separates one thing from the other and you're just too coward to choose and make a final decision.

I guess I should end this. My thoughts are now mixed up making this whole thing more confusing.
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Can you forever stay in that line which separates what you're supposed to be and what you're not?