Purple Coincidence

More than a year ago...

I was alone back home and I felt really bored. I flicked through the pages of my old W.I.T.C.H. magazine to counter boredom but it was of no use. I then sank back to my bed with no avail of proper entertainment. My room was already in complete darkness when I found a better way of ridding the dull moment. It took me a couple of minutes to compose a text message for Purple [not her real name] where I expressed my disapproval of her. I sent it to her two numbers – both smart and globe to ensure that she reads it. Although the message didn't mention any names, I guess she'd assume it was her. After that, I never received any texts from her nor a simple reply to the message I sent her. She just erased me in her list of friends in friendster.com and called me a monster in her shoutout.
I really don't know what has gotten into me back then. I know I have liked her as a friend but it seemed to me she had lack of interest in keeping our friendship. So there it ended...

A couple of months later...
I tried to gain again her friendship but at the same time distanced myself from her and a few of our mutual friends. I was confused on what to do. Half of me wanted to have her again as my friend but my other half wanted to stay as far away from her as possible. Of course the latter half of me was defeated. It was hard to keep distance. I always see her in school plus both of us have the same class schedule. How'd you stay away?;p

Last year...
It was the 18th of December 2007 when I requested a friend in Manila to find and purchase me a copy of Utada Hikaru's single collection. I planned on giving the CD to Purple as a Christmas gift [we always have "exchange gifts" in our class every year]. Last, last year [2006], I picked Purple. She was still my friend back then so it was easy to give her a Christmas gift. But last year, it was different. We were no longer friends. I tried my luck and took the chance. I thought to myself, "Maybe, this is it. Maybe i can talk to her and clear things out". But that was just a thought. It never really happened. Our party was canceled and so was the exchanging of gifts. I was left terribly disappointed.
I've made a post about what happened last year [here] . Just read it if you want.

Yesterday...
Almost a year had past and it's Christmas again. While I was getting ready for school yesterday, I searched my cabinet for the gift I kept there last year. It was still there, inside a red plastic bag [still Comic Alley's] was my gift, wrapped in a golden foil and tied with a red ribbon. After what happened last year, I kept the gift hoping that someday I may be able to give it to her. Haha.
Last night [12.17.08] was our Christmas Party. As usual, we exchanged gifts. Guess who I picked? Taahdaah! It's her again, Purple. Third time out of four. Woaa. Isn't it odd? For the past 3 years I've been picking the same name each Christmas.


Today...
Though I'm supposed to be happy now, I really can't help but wonder, "are we good? I mean, is everything gonna be alright now?” I know it can't be like before but I'm still hoping we can be friends again.
I'll just see you next year.

_________
Taking down few things wont do much, right?.;p
Happy Holidays, everyone!

Reality Bites

I sprung up into my feet realizing my day past by with me not noticing.

I woke up this morning, nearly lunch time, with my eyes set widely to my phone's clock as I glared in amazement. The sun was blazing hot outside, people already busy doing their weekend chores and I hear from the other room, my housemates were already busy chattering. It was then I remembered that I purposely overslept. It was the howling, spinning head of mine that knocked me off to bed last night. It was still the same feeling lingering on my head that kept me on my bed the whole morning, although fainter this time. I made an easy rise from my bed and went down to freshen up.

After eating lunch with a little enthusiasm - I was already alone at home when I got up; I went up straight to my room to open my computer. Just then I decided to entertain myself for the rest of the day reading another book. I have it here in my computer a copy of the Twilight Series ebooks. I'm done reading Twilight so my next was the New Moon. My friends' disapproval with my habit never really bothered me. They say that reading in front of my computer would stress out my eyes but then I never really cared. Reading felt so diverting. As chapters past, I did not recognize the clock was even ticking and that the time had flew by too fast. Barely thinking, as already my usual habit, I looked at my phone’s digital clock and to my dismay it was already 5 o'clock in the afternoon. Time had swiftly flown by and I can not believe that I wasted another day accomplishing nothing aside from finishing off eight chapters of an ebook.

I gently pressed down my body to the comfy warmth of my bed and slowly closed my eyes. I tried to think about the things I was supposed to do - my school works that I had intentionally neglected. For a brief moment I wanted to rewind everything and put them all in the "right" place. And there, again, the feeling of defeat, cowardliness, and self-pity ruled over my body. I was half ashamed of myself. It was because of my lack of confidence and spirit towards the concept of "work" that dislodged me from my now, poor-fated reality. This time, I sprung out of bed to head off downstairs. The place had already darkened and the night had fallen faster than I thought it would be. I knew why I was doing all these nonsense stuffs and I knew pretty well that these won’t serve its purpose. I thought I can get out of this much easier but I was wrong. Clearly, an escape from reality was not the right thing to do but this is the only way I know and I this is how I do it.

I ended up my day still reading the "supposedly diverting" ebook. Well, it did take up much time for me not to wonder about my now, down-fated, real life. I'm even quite astound that I'm actually writing about it right now, describing all in detail. I wonder how I'll get through this. Urgh!

_________
Reality bites me again.

Let It Out

Asked her whether she's jealous or not and answered me with, "No, no, I'm not" [with her eyes widely open and her voice louder than usual]. And then reiterated it for about three or four times. For more than three years I've been close to her, I perfectly know she was not telling the truth. So I asked her again, in a more serious tone, "Are you jealous?". And then she said, "Absolutely".

People sometimes want to hide their feelings - how happy they really are, how furious they can be, etc.I don't know if it's their way of protecting themselves from being totally consumed by what they feel. I mean, people normally would not want other people to know they're suffering because of missing something out or just being left out alone while others are having fun in a family reunion. They think that it is safer for them to keep it, believing that it is easier to forget and let go of that particular feeling if kept unsaid. But then I'd tell them, why not try speaking up, tell everyone the truth. In that way, the burden you're feeling inside of you will probably lighten up. And you'll see, the feeling will subside in no time.

________
Label warning: An outburst is not what you need.
Be considerate to your poor nerves.

Temporary Dismissal

Music Playing: Our House by Phantom Planet

I don't know exactly what to post on right now. I just opened a new window for a new post then I started writing. I'm afraid I lost almost three quarters of my day only doing unimportant stuffs. I feel so depressed having to receive my grades for the first semester in my fourth year of college. You see, our grades are seen through the internet and I've been waiting to see it since Monday. For that reason, I always check on the website every two hours just to know if one of my professors had submitted our grade already.

Past three this afternoon, I turned on my computer and typed in the U.P. website. Unfortunately, I was baffled by what I saw on the column for my academic status, it said, "DISMISSAL". Next to it, I saw my tentative GWA, which was 3.5. God knows were to pick me up if I'm totally dismissed in my degree program. As I opened the details on my current grades, I saw that there were only two grades, one for my Seminar subject and the other one for my Technical Writing subject. I got 2.0 and 4.0, respectively. I don't know what to do next so I went off straight to the bathroom and took a bath. After a short, non-refreshing, bath, I went back to my room to change but while I was changing, I checked on the website one more time. There I saw that my GWA increased so do the status became a "WARNING".

I still feel depressed and down. Now, I totally find myself lost to my exhausting, untollerably crazy life. Things, right now, are messed up and I can't find a way to fix them. Many questions run through my mind such as: When will I go home? What should I do? What's the best thing to do? How should I spend my break with greatest benefits? Should I just stop and accept defeat? Will I still be able to graduate on time?... I believe there are alot more questions - all I want to be answered. I just hope it wouldn't be too late then.


________
la, la, la,...life used to be so hard...[it still is] --> a song by Phantom Planet

Shut up!

I wanna stop, think for a minute or two then shout out to people with attitude problems. Damn, why does people nowadays tend to forget about what they've learned when they were little. All i want is just some piece of respect here.Why is it that when i start to speak up, people would just talk out loud as if they never heard me? Am i that too unimportant? Are the words I'm saying nonsensical for everyone? Please, hear me out.

After the enormous load this semester has given me including the final exams and papers that took away my whole week's good night sleep, I wonder why i am still not rejoicing. Not an hour had past when Mr.Not tried to deliberately ignore my unsolicited opinion and advice. Well, the fact that he opened the topic and when i plunged into it, he just withdrawn the whole conversation. I just hope he did consider on how i felt after he dumped out my opinion. Anyway, things could not get any worse if i start to avoid him, right? Yeah, that's probably what I'll do for the couple of weeks to come.


__________
"I leave my friends not because I hate them but because I wanna keep them longer."