Running Away

Running Away

Unknowingly, I betrayed myself for posting my thoughts and feelings the other day.
I could have just started the whole recovering thing without the world knowing that it happened.
But for sure people already have read that and must have been thinking who you are.
I'd like to tell them you're just someone unreal and that I just created you with my own imagination.
It would have been easier erasing every memory of you in me...
Well, in that case, no one would be too gullible enough to believe in that crap.
Or may be you are - just a part of my imagination.
You’re just someone who truly exist but live in a different way.
Now you think I'm gibberish, right?
I've been nonsensical.
You’ve been staying as cool as you are. Not knowing how I really feel.
I should have been blaming myself from the start.
It was I who got me through this agony I am in now.
You have done nothing else but to be my friend.
I should stop right away.

________
"or may be you are - just a part of my imagination."
-Running away can be very hard especially when you know your heart will be left behind broken.

Confused

Confused

I wonder if every thing i did was right.
I chose not to go on with the way I felt and just forget everything that had happened.
Although at some point I still argue with myself what could have happened if i had chosen pursuing my feelings and let the whole world know how i felt.
But then it came to me that the friendship i have now with you is the best thing that i ever had and that i would never try to break.
If in any case you feel uncomfortable about this situation, please don't even think i had used our friendship to get to you.
Please don't misjudge me or hate me.
I never intended any of this to happen.
Even I myself don't like the way I feel right now and that i practically want it to wash away as fast as i could.
I still want you as my friend, you know...


____________________
It really is true.
The harder you fall, the lonelier you become.

Point of Derision

Point of Derision

My expectations were not as high as a mountain
Nor my hopes to promises that are easily broken
To my heart that had not just once been beaten
Believing to nothing is no more like a dream.

You once spoke of a promise you’ll forever keep
Lied to me like a famous actor in camera peek
The words that resounded in my careless sleep
Desert me in disappointed hopes and dreams.

I demand with utmost despair of your tainted kindness
Why you left me lying in misery-filled iron sheds
Cushioned all over by thorns and sharpened spears
Why you mock me while suffering all these?

I leave my words of bitterness to you
Indeed you left my heart superbly aching
For once my hope is lost to someone so dear
Then nothing could be done to make things clear.

Keep It Fresh

how long was that? about 3 or 4 years?
im still damn soaked in mud and tears
still mightily trying to get up from the last time
and now you're back to pull me down?
please
if you're leaving, then go now!
and never come back again


_________
i'll just have to save my heart for now
wrap it in a plastic bag and put it in the freezer.

Why?

I'm almost out of tears. I've cried for a night. I thought it was the best way to fix this. I was wrong. It broke my heart even greater, harder, and now it's totally broken. I just hope you'll forgive me in time. After what happened today, I walked home. I was thinking about what happened and then I just said to myself that it would be the last time. It was the 3rd time and it already lasted for almost a year and still counting. I've waited for so long. I don't know if I'd still be able to wait a little more. While walking, tears kept on falling from my eyes and I wasn't able to control it. What you did today was so painful.

It's almost Christmas and I thought, before I go home this vacation, I would see you and talk to you. Hoping we can fix what was broken and become friends again. I wonder if tomorrow I wake up with the same courage as of today and still be hoping this will one day end. But if tomorrow, I wake up without that same courage and will, then I'll just let things be the way they are right now. I'll stop waiting and hoping you'll change your mind. I'll just end it with the simple sorry I sent you tonight.


p.s. why is it that you don't want to talk to me?